Tuesday, December 18, 2007

old news

I can’t imagine there’s anyone who reads this thing that isn't already privy to this information, but for the record: The Fight Crew was dethroned on 12/8/07. My congrats to the Sirens, LADD’s 2007 championship team. It was the closet game in LADD history, and arguably the best (we’ve never had the crowd do a wave before, and on 12/8, it happened more than once). It all came down to the last jam, and rather than do a half-assed job rehashing it, you can read Busta Armov’s insanely detailed bout recap here.

On a personal note, I think I had a good game. It was the first I played primarily as a blocker, which is so much less exhausting than jamming. My friend, Ben Lee, told me that I looked like a cannon ball that kept shooting out of the pack to knock out the opposing jammer. In the fourth quarter, I went in a couple of times as a jammer, and managed to score for the Crew when the score had been tied. So that was good. And I wasn’t even too beat-up at the end of the night.

Of course, I’m disappointed that we lost, but you couldn’t ask for a better game. Both teams skated their asses off, the score was close throughout, and more than one skater went flying over the rail (including during the last jam). Someone please explain why roller derby was ever scripted?

We received more glowing press. Those guys at LA City Zine still love us. Lina Lecaro wrote about us in the LA Weekly’s Nightranger column, and our pal DF from Losanjealous came back for seconds.

Speaking of DF, Losanjealous and the L.A. Derby Dolls are officially in bed together. Following a meeting wherein much booze and caffeinated diet beverages were consumed, a contract was drafted on a scrap of spiral notebook paper. I cannot disclose all of the terms, but the gist of it is that DF (health permitting) is now committed to covering LADD’s 2008 season for Losanjealous. In exchange, we are going to let them hang a banner inside the Doll Factory. The Dolls are anxiously awaiting the delivery of said banner. Look for the Losanjealous banner in 08, which I imagine will fly alongside our American flag.

Some photography:

me whipping my BFF, crystal deth, OMG!

paris killton
on the warpath.

i jam therefore i am. judy "crazy arms" gloom.

Fighty goes flying over the rail.

tara armov attempts to snack on mila minute's forearm.

(pics 1, 3 and 4 by 3D sean; pics 2 and 5 by karl walter)

Check out all the bout pics here.

Oh yeah, the Derby Dolls are on hiatus until January 10th. Seeing as we play year-round (with the exception of one other month off during the summer), this respite is very necessary. The next bout is scheduled for January 27th when the Fight Crew face off against the Tough Cookies. We gotta skate to pay the rent.

Speaking of large sums of pain and cash, yesterday I went to the dentist. When I left, my wallet was $1200 lighter. And that’s after insurance. Ouch.

Dear Santa: Alls I want for x-mas is a couple of porcelain crowns in my stocking. Presentation in a fuzzy jewelry box is appreciated.

Tuesday, December 4, 2007

weekend houseguest

friday night, camembert and i were playing scrabble, drinking a couple of beers, when he said something that really got to me.

"gloomy," he said (that's his pet name for me), "i don't want to go back to that other place. can't i just stay here forever?"

i saw the desperation in his eyes, those twin blue moons.

"i'm sorry, cam, but that isn't how it works. you have a mom and dad in koreatown who love and miss you."

"if they love me so much, why did they leave me here?" his gaze was fixed on the tile rack at his paws. "it's scary moving around from place to place. it constipates me."

"it was hard for your mom to leave you with us, cam. but your dad has an art show in san francisco and he needs her help."

he licked his paw, considering this.

"i like hollywood better," he said finally.

cam turned away from the scrabble board and peered out the window.

"plus, your apartment is so stylish, and i have discovered many great hiding spots."

i studied cam as he studied the palm tree outside. i have never been a cat person, but this cat was getting to me. not only was he good-looking, but he was proving to be a formidable scrabble opponent.

"i wish things were different," i said.

cam ignored me.

"your tv is so much bigger," he continued. "and i've been thinking about becoming a vegetarian. i don't know if i can't stand to be around all that meat anymore. also, i think my parents are giving me lung cancer from their secondhand smoke."

"i'm sorry."

we were quiet, the scrabble board a grave marker between us. as he stared through the window, i tried to think of a way to console him, but came up empty. i reached for the stick with the filthy stuffed mouse attached to the end. i dangled it in front of him, trying to coax him into play, but cam was unmoved.

finally, i said, "it's your turn."

he studied his letters for a couple of minutes before spelling a word. he pushed each tile carefully, moving it across the board with the tip of his white paw, until he'd spelled something worth the 50 pt bingo bonus:


without glancing in my direction, he lowered his face to the pint glass at his side. cam plunged his mouth into the foam and lapped his beer.