i have been shopping for new glasses, which is sort of like buying a new face. my current chrome hearts frames barely stay put these days. when i'm doing push-ups at the gym, they slide from my face and land with a clink on the gymnasium floor. i can feel them bounce when i'm biking, which is potentially disastrous. case in point: back in december, i was in a bike accident (a pothole on Vermont was at fault), and i went over the handlebars. my glasses went soaring too -- across the nighttime sky like a bat in flight. me, bike and spectacles all landed separately on a patch of grass somewhere near the 101 overpass.
i am blind without my glasses, and the darkness didn't help. i crawled around on all fours, my knee oozing blood, dumbly groping the moist grass for my frames. cars zoomed past, their headlights illuminating nothing, but someone who had witnessed the accident pulled over.
"you ok?" he asked.
"yes, but i can't find my glasses," i stared up from the ground, squinting at his blurry face. "i'm blind."
i couldn't discern what happened next, but i detected movement. then, as if conjured from the smog around us, the man produced my glasses. ta-da! the guy was clearly a magician.
"be careful, girl," he said as he handed them over. "and you should really wear a helmet."
i returned my glasses to their nasal perch as his car sped away, finally in focus. it looked fuel-efficient. i remounted my bike in pursuit of beer, which i later guzzled at Pure Luck as blood dribbled down my leg.
conclusion: my glasses are officially dangerous, a liability, a disaster waiting to happen. purchased in 2005, these frames have not aged well, and painful as it is to send a loved one packing, they are broke down, old and maybe a little senile. retirement is overdue. party details TBA.
(an aside for derby folks: the glasses i wear when i skate are customized "stunt glasses" and not the glasses i wear in my everyday life).
the shopping has been slow-going because it's a major life decision as far as i'm concerned. i've enlisted two high-powered consultants for the task - georgia and adriana - women who are both good company and possessors of impeccable taste - the two requirements for this consulting gig. they also accept compensation in beer, which is my preferred method of payment.
in preparation for our first foray into spec shopping, we spent most of sunday afternoon eating eggs and drinking beers at 1739 public house, which boasts 40 varieties on tap.
tip: if you are ever overwhelmed by the vast quantity of unfamiliar beer available at a given bar or restaurant, ask the bartender to recommend her three favorites (or four or five, etc., depending on the size of your group. (this was adriana's idea. do add brilliant to her list of consultant qualifications). next, share the recommended beers. in my experience, each will be top-notch.
follow-up tip: make a point to remember (better yet, write down) the names of the beers! to this end, i failed.
we managed to extract ourselves from our booth at Public House with just enough time to check out a couple of optical shops in the vicinity before they closed. right now, i'm leaning toward a pair of frames from gogosha, which i've visited twice already. both times, i was bowled over by the amazing customer service. in the words of one yelp reviewer, "Julia Gogosha is the greatest thing to happen to eyeballs since the retina . . . [she is] as much a stylist as she is a shop-owner."
i don't want to make any hasty decisions, however, so the optical shop rounds will continue with my consultants in the coming weeks. there's a good chance i'll do the same thing i did the last time i shopped for new frames: unable to decide between two styles, i purchased both, and proceeded to wear only one for the following four years.
on an unrelated note, tell me how you feel about capitalization. in my offline existence, i follow the rules, but in digital communication (blogging, email), my compliance is arbitrary at best. does it actually bother anyone? i can handle the truth. i want to be a better blogger.